The other day, a former client reported to me that a friend who he’d been urging to meet with me had responded “No way! The last thing I need is somebody telling me what to do!” This is a common misconception of the relationship between a “life coach” and a client, born in part out of the unfortunate language currently used to describe this work.
The most common terms have different, but equally daunting, misconceptions built into them:
• “Life Coaching” seems to imply someone who is suppose
to know better than you do what you need to do to
succeed, someone who will demand things of you, tell
you what to do to “accomplish the goal.”
• “Life Work Planning” sounds very academic and makes it
sound as though the job of the “life work planner” is to
simply help you plan what you will do next – get
organized, get it together.
• “Life Work Exploration” has the advantage of implying
that the process is more open ended and deeper than
“planning,” but also implies a vagueness, a lack of clear
direction, perhaps a lack of clear results.
While these terms are the most common ways to describe the field, and hence I am in some sense stuck using at least one of them (I tend to default to “coaching” since it is the most common now), I think of what I do not as “coaching” or “planning” or even “exploring,” but as a combination of facilitation and midwifery.
Supporting the creation of healthy, sustainable organizations and lives.
You are undertaking a complex process of self-assessment. You are choosing to explore new possibilities. You are moving through new territory both inside yourself and in the larger world. My job is to make it easier for you to do this work, and help you do it more deeply and fully. I do that by
• Asking good questions
• Suggesting new ways of approaching questions (problems, concerns, etc.)
• Repeating back to you what I am hearing, and suggesting
new ways to frame what you are saying
• Providing clear and honest feedback
• Being direct in making suggestions and requests
• Keeping track of what you have said, what your goals
are, and where we are in the process we have designed
together (and which we will continue to modify together
as needed)
• Suggesting next steps
Coach as Midwife
You are birthing your new life, your new way of being in the world. I’m here to:
• Listen well to your concerns, desires, fears, passions, and
reflect them back to you
• Remind you of them as you move through the ups and
downs of the process
• Suggest tools and perspectives you might not have –
always knowing that it is you who will know if a tool or
idea is right for you
• Support you in doing the hard work
• Provide a structure/frame for the work
• Be honest and direct about what I perceive, knowing that
it is only what I perceive; that only you can tell if it is
accurate
• Celebrate your efforts and your progress
Though the terms facilitator and midwife are also imperfect descriptions of the process, they create a more accurate set of expectations about the “coaching” relationship as I understand and practice it.
The Three Central Principles in my Practice are:
1. This is a process that begins wherever you (the client)
are, and focuses on your agenda. I am dedicated to the
process, but unattached to any particular outcomes.
2. As the client, you have the answers to the questions
you are asking about what you want and what you are
capable of. My work is to be a curious and dedicated
listener and to support your process of discovery in a
wide variety of ways.
3. The power of the “coaching” process comes from the
relationship between the client and the “coach,” and
the ability of that relationship to create space for the
client to come to new realizations and to do the work
they need to do.
Accountability: Commitment in the Coaching Process
To expand on the last of the principles, change happens for people in the “coaching” process because the process itself is powerful. Both the “coach” and the “client” must be committed to engaging in the process with curiosity, honesty, and a willingness to enter a process that develops as we work together.
The coaching relationship creates a space in which we can engage in direct and personal conversations – the kind of conversations we are rarely invited to have. Those conversations are focused on you, the client, what questions you are asking about yourself and your life, what possibilities exist for you.
I can also provide very concrete help with:
• Problem-solving/changing your role in your existing job
• Job search strategies
• Informational and job interviews
• Resumes and cover letters
I can help you identify barriers to the changes you want to make – both internal and external – and help you manage change and the stress that rises from change.
I can help you develop concrete goals and support you in accomplishing them.
Setting Up a Free Exploratory Session
A first session, to explore whether you will find working with me useful, is free. Please call or email me if you are interested in setting up an exploratory session.
Coaching can be useful anytime you feel unhappy with, or drained by, your current life or work and are searching for information about why you are feeling that way, or what you might do differently. Some common times people come to me are:
• When they are trying to decide whether to
change work (or jobs)
• When they feel like work has taken over
their lives and they need to create more
balance somehow
• When some big change has taken place or
is taking place – a divorce, a major illness,
retirement, the loss of a job or other
significant role, the completion of a degree,
the kids leaving home, etc.
What Might Coaching Include?
The coaching relationship will focus on what you want to change in your life. The lists below are anything but comprehensive, but they should give you some idea of the kinds of work that can be accomplished.
I can work with you to think through questions about:
